Only A Test (for now)

Quote of the Day

2012-02-02T07:00:00.001-06:00

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

2012-02-01T07:00:00.001-06:00

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

2012-01-31T07:00:00.001-06:00

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

2012-01-30T07:00:00.001-06:00

I sent the club a wire stating, "Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

2012-01-29T07:00:00.001-06:00

The laws of science be a harsh mistress.
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

2012-01-28T07:00:00.001-06:00

Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Quote of the Day

2012-01-27T07:00:00.001-06:00

Jazz is not dead...it just smells funny.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

2012-01-26T07:00:00.001-06:00

The answer to this is very simple. It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought '42 will do' I typed it out. End of story.
-- Douglas Adams (on why "42" is The Answer...)

Quote of the Day

2012-01-25T07:00:00.001-06:00

The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is the most likely to be correct.
-- William of Occam

Quote of the Day

2012-01-24T07:00:00.001-06:00

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
-- George Orwell

Quote of the Day

2012-01-23T07:00:00.001-06:00

We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

2012-01-22T07:00:00.001-06:00

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

2012-01-21T07:00:00.001-06:00

Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

2012-01-20T07:00:00.001-06:00

One does not have to appeal to God to set the initial conditions for the creation of the universe, but if one does He would have to act through the laws of physics.
-- Stephen Hawking (Black Holes & Baby Universes)

Quote of the Day

2012-01-19T07:00:00.001-06:00

People who think of videos as an art form are probably the same people who think Cabbage Patch Dolls are a revolutionary form of soft sculpture.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

2012-01-18T07:00:00.001-06:00

Nationalism is an infantile sickness. It is the measles of the human race.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

2012-01-17T07:00:00.001-06:00

There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

2012-01-16T07:00:00.001-06:00

As I got up in front of them, I felt an intoxication that had nothing to do with alcohol. It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

2012-01-15T07:00:00.001-06:00

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith

Quote of the Day

2012-01-14T07:00:00.001-06:00

I hope I didn't brain my damage.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

2012-01-13T07:00:00.001-06:00

Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it.
-- Bertrand Russell

Quote of the Day

2012-01-12T07:00:00.001-06:00

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

2012-01-11T07:00:00.001-06:00

If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.
-- Vannevar Bush

Quote of the Day

2012-01-10T07:00:00.001-06:00

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- Alfred E. Newman

Quote of the Day

2012-01-09T07:00:00.001-06:00

Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.
-- Martin Mull

Quote of the Day

2012-01-08T07:00:00.001-06:00

Me fail English? That's unpossible.
-- Ralph Wiggum

Quote of the Day

2012-01-07T07:00:00.001-06:00

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

2012-01-06T07:00:00.001-06:00

When I was a child, the other children in my neighborhood would taunt me, calling me "noodle-head" or "neo-Calvinist" So I would run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap tight and pull me back.
-- Emo Philips

Reading: _A Feast for Crows_

2012-01-05T19:55:00.002-06:00

A Feast for Crows - George R.R. Martin

Quote of the Day

2012-01-05T07:00:00.001-06:00

It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

2012-01-04T07:00:00.001-06:00

Mmmm, forbidden donut.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

2012-01-03T07:00:00.001-06:00

My religion is to do good.
-- Thomas Paine

Quote of the Day

2012-01-01T07:00:00.001-06:00

I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the gun accidentally goes off and kills his friend. Only in America is the villain in this commercial not guns or bad parenting, but pot.
-- Bill Maher

Quote of the Day

2011-12-31T07:00:00.001-06:00

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
-- Terry Pratchett (Equal Rites)

Quote of the Day

2011-12-30T07:00:00.001-06:00

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.
-- William Goldman

Quote of the Day

2011-12-29T07:00:00.001-06:00

I have to admit I have a monkey on my back. It represents my crippling addiction to monkeys.
-- Stephen Colbert (via Twitter)

Quote of the Day

2011-12-28T07:00:00.001-06:00

The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet.
-- William Gibson

Quote of the Day

2011-12-27T07:00:00.001-06:00

The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

2011-12-26T07:00:00.001-06:00

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

2011-12-25T07:00:00.001-06:00

The trinitarian believes a virgin to be the mother of a son who is her maker.
-- Sir Francis Bacon

Quote of the Day

2011-12-24T07:00:00.001-06:00

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

2011-12-23T07:00:00.001-06:00

An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

Quote of the Day

2011-12-22T07:00:00.001-06:00

If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

2011-12-21T07:00:00.001-06:00

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
-- Scott Adams

Quote of the Day

2011-12-20T07:00:00.001-06:00

Justifying space exploration because we get non-stick frying pans is like justifying music because it is good exercise for the violinists right arm.
-- Richard Dawkins

Quote of the Day

2011-12-19T07:00:00.001-06:00

Reality continues to ruin my life.
-- Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)

Quote of the Day

2011-12-18T07:00:00.001-06:00

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

2011-12-17T07:00:00.001-06:00

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

2011-12-16T07:00:00.001-06:00

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
-- Aldous Huxley

Quote of the Day

2011-12-15T07:00:00.001-06:00

Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

2011-12-14T07:00:00.001-06:00

A noble spirit embiggins the smallest man.
-- Jebidiah Springfield

Quote of the Day

2011-12-13T07:00:00.001-06:00

Alone! I'm alone! I'm a lonely, insignificant speck on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

2011-12-12T07:00:00.001-06:00

We're not your classic heros. We're the other guys.
-- The Shoveler

Reading: _The Hundred Days_

2011-12-11T19:02:00.000-06:00

The Hundred Days - Patrick O'Brian

Quote of the Day

2011-12-11T07:00:00.001-06:00

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
-- Dick Cavett

Quote of the Day

2011-12-10T07:00:00.001-06:00

Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer. It doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who watches over human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide people to follow His precepts -- there is just too much misery and cruelty for that. On the other hand, I respect and envy the people who get inspiration from their religions.
-- Benjamin Spock

Quote of the Day

2011-12-09T07:00:00.001-06:00

You can't fool me. It's soy juice. There's no such thing as soy milk, because there's no such thing as a soy tit.
-- Lewis Black

Quote of the Day

2011-12-08T07:00:00.001-06:00

Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.
-- Kent Brockman

Quote of the Day

2011-12-07T07:00:00.001-06:00

Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.
-- Terry Pratchett (Men at Arms)

Quote of the Day

2011-12-06T07:00:00.001-06:00

Never have I encountered such foul, mindless perversity! Have you considered a career in the church?
-- Bishop of Bath and Wells (Blackadder II)

Quote of the Day

2011-12-05T07:00:00.001-06:00

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
-- Al Franken

Quote of the Day

2011-12-04T07:00:00.001-06:00

Instant gratification takes too long.
-- Carrie Fisher

Quote of the Day

2011-12-03T07:00:00.001-06:00

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-- Mark Twain

Reading: _I’m Dreaming of a Black Christmas_

2011-12-02T20:13:00.000-06:00

I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas - Lewis Black

Quote of the Day

2011-12-02T07:00:00.001-06:00

You're not going crazy! You're going sane in a crazy world!
-- The Tick

Quote of the Day

2011-12-01T07:00:00.001-06:00

If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
-- Scott Adams

The Star Wars Holiday Special

2011-11-30T19:25:00.002-06:00

Quote of the Day

2011-11-30T07:00:00.000-06:00

This isn't a rental car - it's privately owned.
-- David Byrne (True Stories)

Quote of the Day

2011-11-29T07:00:00.000-06:00

Non Illegitimus Carborundum.

Quote of the Day

2011-11-28T07:00:00.001-06:00

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Quote of the Day

2011-11-27T07:00:00.001-06:00

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter.
-- Thomas Jefferson

Quote of the Day

2011-11-26T07:00:00.001-06:00

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

2011-11-25T07:00:00.001-06:00

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

2011-11-24T07:00:00.001-06:00

Once again, your stupidity has killed us!
-- Marco Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar Diego Garcia Marquez

Quote of the Day

2011-11-23T07:00:00.001-06:00

America tragically continues to fall behind the Chinese. It seems like no matter what we do, they stay 13 hours ahead.
-- Stephen Colbert

Quote of the Day

2011-11-22T07:00:00.001-06:00

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the same sense and to the same extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
-- H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day

2011-11-21T07:00:00.001-06:00

The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

2011-11-20T07:00:00.001-06:00

After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. For example, in 1780 Luigi Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact that it sinks like a stone.
-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"

Quote of the Day

2011-11-19T07:00:00.001-06:00

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.
-- James Joyce

Quote of the Day

2011-11-18T07:00:00.001-06:00

The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost.
-- S. Kelly-Bootle (The Devil's DP Dictionary)

Quote of the Day

2011-11-17T07:00:00.001-06:00

Twenty two thousand days.
Twenty two thousand days.
It's not a lot.
It's all you've got.
Twenty two thousand days.
-- Moody Blues, "Twenty Two Thousand Days"

Quote of the Day

2011-11-16T07:00:00.001-06:00

It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.
-- Neil Gaiman

Quote of the Day

2011-11-15T07:00:00.001-06:00

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-- Flannery O'Connor

Quote of the Day

2011-11-14T07:00:00.001-06:00

There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate government action.
-- Bertrand Russell

Quote of the Day

2011-11-13T07:00:00.001-06:00

Mmmm...fuzzy.
-- Homer J. Simpson

no-talent ass clown

2011-11-12T16:55:00.001-06:00

Quote of the Day

2011-11-12T07:00:00.001-06:00

That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.
-- Hillel the Elder

Quote of the Day

2011-11-11T07:00:00.001-06:00

When belief in a god dies, the god dies.
-- Harlan Ellison (Deathbird Stories)

Quote of the Day

2011-11-10T07:00:00.001-06:00

Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

2011-11-09T07:00:00.001-06:00

The intelligent beings in these regions should therefore not be surprised if they observe that their locality in the universe satisfies the conditions that are necessary for their existence. It is a bit like a rich person living in a wealthy neighborhood not seeing any poverty.
-- Stephen Hawking

Bing Rewards

2011-11-08T16:59:00.002-06:00

Quote of the Day

2011-11-08T07:00:00.001-06:00

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.
-- Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

Quote of the Day

2011-11-07T07:00:00.001-06:00

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes.
-- George Carlin

Reading: _Monstrous Regiment_

2011-11-06T19:30:00.002-06:00

Monstrous Regiment - Terry Pratchett

Quote of the Day

2011-11-06T07:00:00.001-06:00

Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Quote of the Day

2011-11-05T07:00:00.001-05:00

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

2011-11-04T07:00:00.001-05:00

Step aside, everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

2011-11-03T07:00:00.001-05:00

I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate.
-- George Carlin (Brain Droppings)

Quote of the Day

2011-11-02T07:00:00.001-05:00

Oh, No. I'm being hassled in the street by a chick.
-- Neil Pye

Quote of the Day

2011-11-01T07:00:00.001-05:00

All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman